Emotional Mastery - Fear is an Illusion
September 6, 2009
You might be sitting there scratching your head and thinking to yourself, “What is she TALKING about?!?” I do realize that you feel fear and respond to words, experiences, or imagined circumstances and begin to feel a physical response in your body. You may experience moistened hands, fast heartbeat, shortness of breath, and tightness in your chest. Sometimes, these feelings all progress to a sense of impending doom and a need to escape.
Fear is a natural response to a perceived danger. However, your mind can often get out of hand, concocting worst-case-scenarios that are not even in the realm of possibility. This ‘catastrophizing’ (I know this isn't a word... I'm a rebel...) leads to an unhealthy delusion of what might happen which, in turn, can lead to compulsive avoidance: you run away from and stay away from anything that even remotely resembles the original fear. Also, since all ‘what-ifs’ and ‘maybes’ and ‘might happens’ are in the future, they are (at best) educated guesses. The truth is that you feel as though you are ‘going crazy’, and you lose your personal empowerment, reacting from your fear. That reaction is usually an inappropriate or over-reaction (i.e. fear of drowning sometimes causes people to avoid showering). This may seem silly to read, however in the moment of fear, the logical mind which is thinking ‘this is silly’ is utterly disconnected. The overreaction makes sense instinctually. In this way, there is a rational mind which is highly intelligent and possesses many problem-solving abilities and logical deductions. There is also a survivor mind which is an expert in the art of self-preservation, preparing us for mortal combat when in danger and disregarding any thought process that takes ‘too long’. There are several paths we might take from this place of ‘fight or flight’, and the survivor mind will not take the time to carefully think through what it is doing since every second counts in either conquering the enemy or ‘high-tailing it out of Dodge’. These two minds (the rational mind and survivor mind) play a sort of ‘tug-of-war’ every moment you are conscious.
Without getting into the specific biological science and how fear becomes psychological, emotional, and physical pain, it is my intention to demonstrate that fear is an illusion: to simplify this process so it makes more sense. Fear is based on the possibility of something undesirable happening. That possibility lives only in the future, and therefore it is only in our imagination. Therefore, all fear is imagined. All fear is illusion of your mind.
When you are faced with danger, you have an opportunity to react in fear or respond in love. By repeating the simple mantra “Fear is an Illusion”, you can free yourself from the ‘knee-jerk’ reaction of the survivor mind. Here are a few more steps you can take to stop the madness of that survivor mind. This is an important part of overall emotional mastery.
- You begin to feel any of the many physical symptoms of fear or anxiety. Some are outlined above, but you likely already know how you feel when you are afraid. Key in to these indicators.
- Tell yourself that “Fear is an Illusion”.
- Take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. I know that you've heard this before (perhaps many times), but do this anyway. Then take three more slow, deep breaths (in through your nose and out through your mouth).
- About this time, your rational mind will begin to rise up from the murky depths of ‘survivor mode’. Allow yourself to notice each thought and feeling without resistance. Write them down if possible. If they are coming too quickly, repeat “Fear is an Illusion” until your thoughts are slower.
- Continue to breathe slowly and deeply.
- Consider whether you are in clear and present danger as you observe yourself in the situation at the moment.
- What would love do? What would you do in response to this situation while considering what is best for yourself and others? Will you react in fear or respond in love?
This is just the beginning. You will train your mind and body to ‘break the habit’ of allowing fear to take over. You have been conditioned throughout your life to consistently react out of fear and preserve who you think you are (or who others have told you that you are). Normal people have fear, anxiety, and depression. These are all opportunities for greater awareness of our choices and who we really are: taking control of our lives to our greater happiness.
If you are experiencing difficulty in this process, you may want to contact a professional such as your physician or a licensed mental health practitioner for further assistance. Asking for help from those who have education and experience shows a strength and willingness to improve your life.
If you are in crisis, do not hesitate to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. You can also visit their website for more information at http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.
-LeAnn O'Neal, MA, LMFT, Relationship Coach | 
